he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
