That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
