Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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