just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize