this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
