Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
