Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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