My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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