I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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