We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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