And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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