I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I am morally bankrupt
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
