Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
