Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
