you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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