Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I would fuck him just for his dog
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
