i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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