totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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