I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
