you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
