A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
