none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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