Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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