Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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