you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
