Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
