There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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