Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
