fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
