One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
