Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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