Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
