Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
