He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.