Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.