if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot