Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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