I am puke
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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