And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
