I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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