we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
