If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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