We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
