Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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