his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
