:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
