Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
