Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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