well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
