He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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