Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
