my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
