My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
