why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
