Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
