Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
