Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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