just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
