I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
