did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
