Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
