2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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