Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
