I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
