me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
